Months ago, a photographer and I had a lengthy conversation about how important it is to create artificial structure for yourself in this industry. He talked about making Mondays his admin days, posting to Instagram exactly once a week, and driving himself each day to work at an office space he rents - even though he could technically stay home and work from his couch, or not work at all. I was told some photographers and assistants don’t take Monday jobs at all because they set that time aside for marketing/accounting/personal work.
Hmmm. My whole life I’ve been terrified of being locked in to a 9-5, so I find a career that fulfills my desire for flexibility and change, and then I’m told I need to turn this wonderfully chaotic living into a 9-5 anyway.
bullshit, right??
right ?
I’ve realized I’m dealing with a lot of unexpected anxiety living small job to small job. This January, for example, I had not a single shoot booked until December 30th. It was a one day gig, and I didn’t get booked for another until a week later. I ended up working 13 days in January, more than enough to feel financially comfortable. However, I was booked for each job just a few days before it happened, so for most of the month I was a bit panicked.
If my income continues to flow in this last minute, I’m sure I’ll learn to trust the process to some degree, but I’m also starting to realize how forcibly stabilizing other areas of my life could help neutralize the financial anxiety I’ve been feeling.
This Tuesday I was talking to a friend and fellow photographer about how we each choose to navigate and structure our lives. He brought up intuition and intention, and, confused, I had to ask him a few minutes into the conversation if he viewed these principles as antonyms or synonyms. He thought about it for a second, and decided that at this point in his life, they were very much working together. His grand plan for the day and the week and the months ahead worked in tandem with what he intuitively felt like doing hour to hour.
I laughed when I realized: such is not the case for me.
I thought back to December, when I attempted to implement a basic routine for my own well being. Sundays would be my clean-the-house days. On Mondays I would do laundry and send emails. While I’ve maintained a consistent 1 load of laundry every week (darks, lights, darks, sheets, repeat), I think it’s happened on a Monday only once. I usually end up cleaning on Fridays. Or every time I get overly anxious. Sometimes I send emails at 9pm after a day of doing nothing, and sometimes I send them on a Saturday, and sometimes I send them at 11am on a Tuesday after bribing myself with a $7.00, embarrassingly romanticized trip to le café. It’s in my nature to look for loopholes, to resist anything resembling a rule.
So does my system work the way it intended to? Not really. I could definitely use a little more willpower in pursuit of my goals. But you know what… I’m doing alright. So if I want to diligently plan out every hour of my week, only to ignore 80% of what I say I’m going to do in favor of something that feels right, that’s fine with me. I think having the plan in the first place makes me question what I want, and what makes sense, and what’s working, and what’s not.
One of my favorite pieces of advice I’ve heard for photographers going into a shoot is something along the lines of “plan for everything, and then improvise your ass off.” In my experience, the most magical images result from a combination of the two.
This week’s card is the Emperor. This figure, ruled by Aries, represents order, structure, grit, control, and discipline. Giving yourself a solid foundation, four walls, and a roof. A civilization built on precise planning and hard work.
Of course, be wary of relying on any one card/idea too heavily. A house is never more appreciated than when returning from a long and exciting trip away.
Wishing you the willpower to follow the rules that work, and the courage to abandon the ones that don’t.
Happy Saturday,
Jordan